Letter to a Socialist Chauffeur
by missbrunettgirl
Summary: Spoilers for the new season of Downton Abbey. Sybil is conflicted with her feelings for Branson and decides to write a letter telling him her feelings. Please R&R


Disclaimer- I own nothing.

A Letter to a Socialist Chauffeur 

It had been one week since Branson had urged Lady Sybil to run away with him. One week since she had talked to or even looked at the family chauffeur. She did not know what to say to him most days and she knew that if she were to talk to him it would just end in hurt feelings on both sides and neither one of them had anything new to say anyway. He still was so sure about everything and Sybil…well Sybil was just as confused as ever.

For the last week Sybil had a hard time paying attention to her duties at work and her obligations at home, something that had not gone unnoticed to the middle Crawley sister, Edith. Edith watched her distracted sister halfheartedly attend to patients around the house. This was so unlike Sybil who was usually so attentive and involved in her work.

"Sybil?" Edith said pulling her sister out of the room one day. "Is there something you might want to talk about?"

"No," Sybil replied a little too quickly. "I mean thank you for your concern Edith but I'm fine, really."

"Well," Edith told her younger sister, "When I am 'fine' and do not have any problems what so ever, I like to write my feelings down. It has proved to be very therapeutic." Sybil smiled at her sister.

"Thank you for the advice," Sybil said. "I think I might just take it."

"Just make sure you either destroy or hide what you have written," Edith advised. Sybil nodded.

888

Later that night after a long shift and a later dinner, Sybil was finally alone in her room ready to write out her feelings about Branson. She pulled out a piece of stationary and stared at the paper. How would she start? Should she just start writing and see if the words made any sense? How was she supposed to write down her emotions when she didn't even know what those feelings were?

She wrote for a few minutes and then looked down at what she wrote. She rolled her eyes and then ripped up the paper. Maybe this was not such a good idea after all. Sybil sighed in frustration. This was all Branson's fault. If he hadn't been so pushy with his feelings with her she would not be so confused and angry now.

Sybil grabbed another sheet of paper after an idea passed through her mind. She was going to direct the letter to the person who was causing such turmoil in her mind.

_Dear Branson, _

_ I am so angry with you right now. I am mad that we can't talk like we used to. It's like I've lost a good friend. I miss how things were between us before the war when everything was just…easy. I know it's ridiculous that I blame you. After all you have never been anything but honest with me. Still, everything has changed and right now (even thought I know I am being irrational) I blame you. _

_ I knew you had feeling for me before you said anything and I prayed every day that you would just keep it to yourself so I could go on pretending that we were fine. And then, the day you dropped me off at Nurse training, you laid everything out in the open. I knew I should have said something to you. Perhaps I should have said, 'I don't feel the same,' or 'I just want to be friends,' but I think that would have been a lie. I did not say anything because I didn't know how to feel and I still don't. _

_ I can't believe you want to throw everything away and rot at Downton for me. How dare you give up going to rallies? Maybe if I were braver I would tell father about what has been going on and then you would be free to move on and become what you have always wanted to be. I think I don't tell because I would miss you so much. _

_ I hate being so confused. You can't accuse me of being in love with you just because I would miss you. I would miss anyone who has been in my life for years…(well maybe not O'Brian). You keep telling me how to feel and I don't like it. How would you know my feelings when I don't? _

_ I can't understand how you could be so flippant about my fears. I told you why I couldn't run away with you. I can't give up my family and friends. I would have to give up everything and those aren't just details Tom. Even if I did have feelings for you there is still so much to consider. Running away with you would hurt so many people. _

Sybil read over all she had written trying to think about how she would sum up the mock letter. She decided that she would have to confess everything for her sanity.

_I hate that you push me to admit my feelings. Don't you see that you're tearing me apart? If you claim to know how I feel then isn't that enough for you? Why must you hear me say it? You can be so unbelievably pushy and full of yourself, especially when you're right. I do Tom, love you that is. I have for a while, but you already knew that. You just won't hear these words from me because they would change everything and I can't face that…not now anyway. Maybe one day that will change but for the time being, I want you to know that I miss my best friend. _

_Love, _

_Sybil _

Sybil felt tears falling down her face and watched them blot the ink on her letter. That was what she had been holding inside for so long and it proved to be a great emotional release when she finally admitted it, even if it was only in a letter that would never be seen Branson himself.

Sybil wiped the tears from her cheeks and ripped the letter over and over until there was no way anyone could ever piece it back together.

Slipping into the covers of her bed a few moments later, Sybil thought to herself that maybe one day she could actually tell Branson how she felt and maybe (though it was still a long shot) a relationship between the two of them could actually be accepted. In the meantime however, she would just have to accept the fact that for right now nothing could happen with the man she loved.

A/N- I got inspired to write this after watching the new episode of Downton Abbey! I really hope Sybil and Branson end up together in the end but for right now I think Sybil has so much to lose.


End file.
